He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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