Little spoons don't ask big questions
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
