she woke up with a sticky ear
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
