I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize