I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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