Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
