the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
whose parrot is this?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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