my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
