Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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