dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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