i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
