you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
foreskin is a definite game changer
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
