those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
