i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
