fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
this hospital has no fireball
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
