then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
