No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
