You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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