All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
