is your mom at the bar?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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