I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
