I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
