I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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