I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
