I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
high people should be assigned attendants
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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