you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
