At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
