One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
