i think my mom watched the whole time
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
is that a dick in a sweater?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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