my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
