Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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