oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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