I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
