i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
