I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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