Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
