Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
