that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You made out with two different species that night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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