my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
