we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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