this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
