Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
