DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
