If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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