stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
