Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
