he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
