Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
