i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
