Me. At least after what I've been through.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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