There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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