What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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