You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
