Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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