I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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