just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I puked a lego.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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