I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
