So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
