Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
