Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
