I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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