Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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