Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
