Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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