Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
