Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
