It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
