The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
