Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
