I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
