Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
