Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
