butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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