jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
