Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
