And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
