Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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