I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
