a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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