Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
