No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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